“Are you dating yet?”
“Did you get the vaccine!?”
“When are you planning on having kids?"
“Why aren't you teaching summer school!?”
“Why are you taking a personal day tomorrow???”
Ever feel cringy and uncomfy when you get asked these type of personal questions?
Do you also find that despite your desire to keep your personal deets to yourself you overshare and offer up more personal info than you'd like?
Yeah? You're totally not alone.
Boundaries are not only about shutting work off at a certain time, saying no to extra committees, or not checking email after work.
There's also something we call emotional boundaries.
When you're asked an intrusive question, the asker is violating an emotional boundary and you do not have to provide them an answer.
What you can do instead:
Change the subject
Be direct and say you are not comfortable or unwilling to discuss this topic
Make light of it (while still maintaining assertiveness) with a “haha ohhh no, no vax chat for me at work!"
If it's a Q related to your personal time, you can shoot it straight with something like “that's my personal time so I'm going to keep that to myself in order to keep my work + personal life separate.”
Put the ball back in their court by responding with “why would you want to know that?”
Note: The person asking the intrusive question most likely has good intentions, they just most likely struggle with healthy boundaries themselves. Remember, most of us never learned or observed functional boundaries growing up, we all have room to grow here!
Healthy Emotional Boundaries look like:
Refraining from sharing personal info too soon
Abstaining from giving unsolicited advice
Not feeling guilty for someone else's issues or racing to rescue others
Taking ownership for your feelings instead of blaming others
Refusing to take the blame for the emotions of others
Boundaries are your path to personal freedom and you way to live each day for you.
Need support with boundaries? We all do!
Reach out to me, join my monthly teacher meet-ups, or book a clarity call to find out more about mentorship.
I've been in your shoes + found the results that freed me.
You can, must and WILL, too.